Are you someone who thinks and worries about what may or may not happen in the near future? Are you worrying to the point of perpetuating a problem that doesn’t actually exist in the present moment?
Here is a common example of what I mean:
“I am worried that my partner is going to leave me.”
If someone is going to leave you, there is nothing you can do to control their thoughts (and sometimes their behavior).
However, if they are not going to leave you, and you are obsessing about it in your mind, you will act accordingly.
For example, you may follow them, check their phone, constantly text them, ask them accusing questions, accuse them outright, forbid them from social engagements, or seeing friends and family without you, and so on.
If you have ever been on the receiving end of these untrusting behaviors, you know what it feels like. It is draining, exhausting, and distressing to the point that you want to get away from it any way you can. And when you try to get away from the accusations, the accusations get worse.
What is happening?
If you are the accuser, you are making up scenarios that do not exist in the present moment. And then you are acting on your mentally constructed future scenarios as if they are actually happening in the present moment. Keep in mind, there are a lot of people who do these behaviors and are not even aware of it.
If your partner is really going to leave you, you have two choices. 1) you can accept it and move
Why would we try to get someone to stay who does not want to? Maybe because we are afraid to be alone and maybe we are trying to make them be someone they are not? When we try to control other people’s behaviors, it only prevents us from focusing on your own issues.
Remember, worrying is your anxiety (that has an underlying cause) that is experienced as a physical symptom in your body, leaving you, at times feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and even physically ill.
Here is another example:
“Why would I do that if you could get [psychologically] hurt?”
When you are always worried about getting hurt and acting as if you would get hurt, you might not have the life that you desire. This is a depressing behavior that could lead to a depressive disorder. It also limits your human potential and sense of joy.
So, if you construct and act on future (that does not exist) negative scenarios, ask yourself this question:
“What are the real, present moment, intrapersonal issues that I am trying to avoid?”
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And as always, thank you for reading!